La Signora: Il Capo d’Italia

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La Signora: Il Capo d’Italia

April 1, 2012 by orvietoorbust

People often speak about the traditional “Signora” as if she were a charming part of Italian society long since past. Don’t you believe it! La Signora is quite alive and well and combing the streets of Orvieto in search of a naïve and insecure American like me to use for target practice to sharpen her skills of intimidation. Frankly, I live in terror of getting on the bad side of one of these ladies.

I had my first real run in with La Signora at our town’s Saturday outdoor market. I’d made the amateurish blunder of hesitating for a split second and a woman with her produce-filled cart literally ran over me, scraping the back of my heel which broke the strap of my favorite pair of sandals. She didn’t even slow down – blowing right past me without a word. She was surprisingly unaffected by the ranting and cursing of a bloodied lunatic who doesn’t know her way around a vegetable stand. I learned at that moment that La Signora, like other people of great power and influence, is a force to be reckoned with.

La Signora demands respect and she most assuredly gets it. She is a sensible shoe-wearing, evil eye-casting, mama’s boy-promoting woman on a mission. She is serious-minded, takes no prisoners and doesn’t trust you as far as she can throw you. Her outside shell is tough to penetrate – Fort Knox would be easier to crack than her personal inner sanctum.

I both admire and revere La Signora. She is able to out cook, out shop and out walk me up a hill…and if she needed to, I believe she could even out run me. In Italy, La Signora reigns supreme.

by Toni DeBella

Posted in Expat in Italy, Italian Culture, Italians, Italy, Orvieto, Travel | Tagged evil eye, Fort Knox, italian society, La Signora, Orvieto | 14 Comments

14 Responses

on April 1, 2012 at 10:19 am | Reply Denise Blackman

I could totally see myself being bowled over by La Signora as I reveled in that wondeful looking market…..we will have to practice blocking for each other this fall!
- on April 1, 2012 at 10:25 am | Reply orvietoorbust
  
  Man, girl you are quick – I just pressed the button! I hope this post wasn’t too mean…yes, we’ll run interference…you go long and I’ll throw you a melon! Hugs.toni
  - on April 1, 2012 at 10:39 am Denise Blackman
    
    Good thing about an iPad, it’s very transportable. Bad thing, I have it near me most of the time and I am always checking it!
on April 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm | Reply Gian Banchero

The bright side of La Signora is that if she is your mother, grandmother or aunt you have this someone protecting you either here on earth or in the heavens. Even though I’ve lost all the elder women in my family I swear that they are constantly present protecting me from “gentaccia”, bad, evil people. We who grew up in Italian households well know about the protective nature of La Signora, how her family came first and everyone else was suspect until proven different (should I say innocent?). Though these women could be daunting the one thing you could always be sure of was their love and devotion to the young ones in the family.
- on April 1, 2012 at 10:13 pm | Reply orvietoorbust
  
  Hi Gian. You are so right. In fact, I was introduced once to a grandmother of a friend and she said to me “You are American? Why are you are not ugly? All Americans are ugly”. I was a bit taken aback and so I said, “well my grandparents were Italian”, and she said “Oh, that’s why, you have Italian blood!” she welcomed me into her home and I now I am treated like one of her family. The other thing I love about La Signora is that she always, always tells me I am “too skinny”…I should eat more. I love that! Hugs. Toni
on April 1, 2012 at 8:34 pm | Reply daniela

Really interesting post…. really interesting. I was about to write something like Gian above. Once one of these women takes you on as her own, please re-write this post, just for interest’s sake … 😉

If you think that she treats you as if you don’t exist, it’s because you don’t (to her). Italy is a matriarchy. The matriarch in the italian family is the spiritual head. She is royalty because she earned it. You are a speck of dust because … well you are (in her reality). The mummy’s boy thing … maybe be open to reconsidering this again one day too … as you get to be loved by italians, all the preconceptions, I’m expecting, will wash away.

Interestingly, and you might find this strange, so is Japan and the old women there are a similar creature; Japan and Italy are very alike.

Great post!
Gave me a feeling of time travel.
- on April 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm | Reply orvietoorbust
  
  Hi Daniela, Don’t get me wrong, I do have Italian La Signoras who love me and they are warm and welcoming to me. My Grandmother, in fact, was the head of our family and she took care of all of us and protected us from evil, germs and the worse – not eating enough! As I said at the end, I admire these women for the commitment to family and community. It doesn’t mean I would chance going head to head with one for the last piece of Zuppa gialla at the market – for sure she’d win! Glad to hear from you and thanks. Toni P.S. My own father lived at home with my Italian grandmother until he was 35 years old….:)
on April 1, 2012 at 10:57 pm | Reply Brenda Wissbrod

so sorry to hear about your favorite sandal – better a scrape, bruise and a broken sandal than something worse for the lesson of La Signora 🙂
- on April 1, 2012 at 10:59 pm | Reply orvietoorbust
  
  Brenda!! How are you? I haven’t seen you in ages (my fault for sure). I will be back in SF in early May. Would love to catch up. Hope all is well. Me, my heel has recovered…but not my pride. Toni
on April 2, 2012 at 1:11 am | Reply janinevasta

Ha Toni! Great post. O ma thoe signore umbre are in a class of their own….I could see the whole scenario unfolding before my eyes! At least you have a great new reason to visit your local calzolaio in his little bottega. Know the ones I mean? Women in Italy are one of life’s great enigmas really. Undoubtedly the best form of defence is unbridled apology. Grace under fire….Ma signora, mi scusi, mi dispiace, prego prego….mi scusi ancora… But you knew that. Intanto coraggio cara! Bacioni, J
- on April 2, 2012 at 10:43 am | Reply orvietoorbust
  
  Janine…in fact, I have gotten to know the shoe repair guy pretty well (LOL). Yes, I only will show respect to these donne because perhaps one day, I will be one of them?….well, probably not, but for sure I never take this sort of thing personally…how crazy would that be? Tanti baci. t
  - on April 2, 2012 at 7:06 pm janinevasta
    
    But you are una signora…una bellissima signora! And I just know you could teach those ladies a thing or two! I have to admit I love the whole title thing in Italy and the whole ‘dare del Lei’ and the mini role plays that go on in the alimentari and bars and the bakeries. Orvieto must be rife! I come back from Italy calling everyone ‘Madam’ and ‘Sir’. Marabella thinks it’s funny. Un abbraccio forte. Jx
on April 2, 2012 at 9:03 am | Reply Lulu

Toni,

Your poor, poor heel, respect and reverence noted, but one cannot help feeling that these Donne Despotice are sometimes not a little well, rude ?…

There I said it, actually, in Venice they treat everybody (with the exception of their few remaining elderly friends) with the same utter contempt, woe betide you if you are ruminating amongst the Rialto vegetable stands, she will have the straps off both sandals before you can say Mamma Mia!

Baci
L
- on April 2, 2012 at 10:41 am | Reply orvietoorbust
  
  Ha! I guess the other lesson here (besides not walking in front of a signora with a cart) is to wear hard, closed-heeled shoes? Armor for the feet? You know, I am not complaining, because all these wonderful experiences are great material to write about. When one loves Italy, we take the good with the bad, No? Hugs and kisses. t