The opinions expressed herein are those of the author (me) and may not reflect the opinions of the reader (you). There is absolutely no assurance that any statement contained in this article is true, correct or reliable. The opinions are based solely on observation and personal experience. The foregoing is presented from the point of view of the author (me). …”usate il sale in zucca” (an idiom loosely translated means “take it with a grain of salt”).***
The Grass is Always Greener
I want to begin by saying that I’ve done it, you’ve done it, we’ve all done it at one time or another. We really must stop doing it: expatriates sitting around moaning and groaning about how things function (or don’t function) in Italy. First of all, can you imagine how we must sound to Italians within ear-shot of our tasteless and unflattering belly-aching? Openly criticizing the country and people who have welcomed us into their “home” is not only impolite, it’s incredibly tacky. We made a choice to leave our native land and relocate to another, did our research and knew what to expect when we took the leap.
An analogy to illustrate my point: George Clooney has infamously left a long line of beautiful starlets in his wake. Elisabetta Canalis is out and now you are George’s new girlfriend. He is so charming, handsome, rich and powerful. 
You attend red carpet events on his arm in Versace, appear on the cover of People magazine and spend long weekends on Lake Como with “Brangelina”. Of course he eventually dumps you and deep-down inside you’re not surprised – this is who he is and what he does. Expats in Italy…we knew what we were getting into – Italia is who she is and what she does – let’s lighten up and stop complaining already!
We Aren’t in Kansas Anymore
It’s an exercise in futility to compare our homeland to Italy. Italy is different – isn’t that one of the reasons we decided to pack up and move in the first place? 
Heinz ketchup, Mexican food, peanut butter – the list of things from home that you can’t get in Italy is as long as my arm (and vice versa, I might add). I’m guilty, I admit it. I’ve been a “mule” for friends – bringing back suitcases full of taco seasoning, ranch dressing, vanilla extract and ibuprofen. Comforts from home are really lovely to have, nevertheless we should try to be more adaptable and use the products available …conform, fit in, go native!
Talking Points
This one is so obvious, I shouldn’t have to say it: speak Italian. When we live abroad of course we gravitate towards a crowd with a common culture and background. I try not to use my English-speaking friends as a crutch to avoid Italian proficiency because I know that I can never, ever form lasting and deep relationships with Italians if I don’t speak their language.
Unfortunately there is only one way to accomplish this…open our mouths and talk. My Italian is substandard to say the least and I make errors constantly. I once told a man that my grandfather was born in “coglione” (which means “testicles”). We both laughed until we cried. May I recommend the “Italian by Osmosis” system? Watch weird Italian television, read the local newspaper, listen to pop music on the car radio, try telling a joke in Italian and above all, be willing to feel awkward and sound stupid. Italians are very gracious and will appreciate the effort.
Home is Where the Heart Is
Photo by W. Klein
It seems to me that life is full of wonderful opportunities to evolve and expand our horizons. Living abroad is something that takes a certain kind of daring individual with lots of resilience and an open heart. Make fun of yourself and the absurdity of it all. Relax, enjoy, grin and bear it and REJOICE…you live in Italy for God’s sake!
***No actual expatriates were harmed in the writing of this article.
Orvieto or Bust: 
I didn´t know that they don´t have ketchup in italy! I also wanted to sneak ranch dressing in my suitcase before leaving to Chile, can´t live without that stuff! Love the blog,I will definitely be following you! 🙂
Catherine, Oh they have ketchup in Italy, it’s just that it isn’t quite as good as America Ketchup, but it will do in a pinch (I am not complaining..hoonest) 🙂
…after all you don’t need to put ketchup on pasta:) Thanks for writing and buon viaggio! Toni
I agree with everything you posted here, well said. Expats who live in Italy who get frustrated from time to time should remember that there is a plethora of people (myself included) envious of the fact that you live in ITALY, with it’s gorgeous language, rich foods, amazing history and some well dressed men. I plan on living in Italy myself in the next few years. I am an expat in South Korea and people here complain about things all the time, but I realized that I complain about the US just as much when I’m there, so it’s better to look at the positive attributes instead. I really enjoy being an expat. 🙂
Dear “Fick” You know, it’s human nature to complain….I think Italians complain about their country more than anyone…thanks for writing and see you in Italy in a couple of years. Brava!! toni
The ONLY thing I complain about in Italy is the post office and the plumbing, having been raised in the States I’m totally spoiled with these two issues, when in Italy I’m constantly saying to myself “Why can’t the be like us?!!”, other than that everything else is OK… A few years ago while living in Milano I had a hankering for Mexican food, at a local large supermarket I was able to find canned “Texas chili” and “Mexican flour tortillas”, upon arriving home and reading the labels I was surprised and amazed to find out the chili was made in England and the tortillas were a Danish product… Yes, there is ketchup in Italy, not as good as what there is in the States but does work OK when making a home-made hamburger or hot dog… I agree, while in Italy speak Italian at all times, interestingly while living in Italy there are some days when it becomes impossible to speak the language (and I’m fairly fluent), when that happens it gives my Italian friends and family a chance to prove their English…
Gian, Hi..I certainly didn’t mean to say that there is no justification in the complaints, it just seems we have to have a little sensitivity, that’s all. You are right, the ketchup is not bad, but the mexican food leaves something to be desired, but the coffee, pasta, wine,…the list goes on and on about what is great. Oh, my God. That “blanking out” happens to me also. It’s as though your brain gets saturated to the point where it can’t process the language and you need to take an “English” break. I will be humming along, the Italian is coming easier…then all of a sudden someone will ask me a very simple question and I can’t put to words together. What is that about? Thanks for the observations and for making me feel that I am not the only one that goes stupid in Italy. A presto. Toni
Ciao Toni;
And thank you for letting me know that “the Big Numb” happens to others, such a relief… Friends and family in Italy tend to get a kick out of my Big Numb. Usually to put humor into the situation I start talking English in rapid fire to them… A while back my cousin Franca in Genova asked me if I get a headache when speaking English (“No?”) when I questioned her why she asked she said that it seemed strange that English words didn’t end in vowels and it felt that it would hurt “la testa” ending words so quickly… She said that some Italians call English “lingua telegrafica” meaning dot de dot de dot dot dot. Also I recently read that Italians tend not know the difference most times between English and German, oh wow, that puts a whole different perspective on English, huh?… Oh, above I only meant why can’t the Italians be like Americans when it comes to the post office and plumbing, in all other matters I’m happy with Italy…. E anche a presto a te… Gian
Great post,
I knew it was time to move back home from Italy and I am going back to Texas this September when the bad began to outweigh the good. While I still love it here, it is very difficult to make a living, more so than back home so I am headed back.
We still have a house here though so we’ll be back on vacations which will now be shorter as we don’t get 1 month vacations back home. I have always tried to not complain in front of Italians, what I am guilty of though is laughing or marvelling at what I consdier to be odd if not downright zany. I will be following your blog glad to have found it. Ciao, Dea in Sicily 🙂
Dea,
I feel sad for you but I think I know how you are feeling. It was the reason I had to go back home the last time – I couldn’t get a permesso to work and with so many Italians out of work, the landscape for jobs is bleak. If only I had been born with a trust fund!!! Thank you for writing and I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep in touch and torna presto!!!! Toni
Enjoy your opinion! We moved from California to the Midwest (Neosho, Mo) and the change in people is both wonderful and exasperating! It seems it is normal to complain, no matter what the change.
I totally agree than everyone living in a foreign country speak the language no matter how poorly. And definitely not complain about things in the presence of people who have taken the time to learn your language just to be helpful.
Thanks,
Hi Caroline. From CA to Missouri…big change…kinda like living in a foreign country? Yes, unfortanately as human beings we are never happy, but it’s never good to insult people in ANY language. Have a good day. Thanks for writing. Toni
Yes!! As the Italian expression goes, volevi la bici? Allora pedala! (You wanted the bike, now pedal!)
I’ve lived here almost two years and something I have learned is that those who complain about everything here, will probably complain about everything in just about any place. Our happiness comes from within us, and our surroundings may or may not contribute to our experience, but if we’re not sound on the inside, we could be in the Garden of Eden and it wouldn’t be enough.
As for foreign foods, all it takes is creativity – even though it’s not quite “the same”, I’ve managed to recreate, on my own, interesting dishes from around the world using local ingredients, and if you hunt enough you can even find different spices such as curry. I’ve even learned to make tortillas from scratch.
Anyway, nice post.
🙂
P.S. If anyone has a jones for Thai and is looking for coconut milk and lives in Bari, I know where to get it!
Tina, yeah, we human beings are sometimes prone to the “grass is always greener” syndrome. I think people have a right to complain if they want, but like you said so eloquently, it could be the Garden of Eden…. And about those tortillas…impressive. I make taco salad a lot using spices and made enchilada sauce by scratch (thank god for the internet)….hum Thai is next (although I will not resort to cracking open coconuts). Thanks for writing and keep smiling! toni 🙂
Dear Toni,we are Americans who have a second home in Todi….we are from the much maligned states of Kansas and Missouri. Living in KC, MO is fantastic…wonderful art both modern and traditional, symphony, ballet etc plus we have the privilege of fantastic BBQ! While my husband and I originally grew up in San Francisco, me Pacific Heights, he North Beach…the heartland has much charm and not too many people. Rush hour is fifteen minutes! Italy has pluses and minuses like all other places, however for beauty, both natural and human, food and people you cannot beat it. We love it and the pace of Life that let’s you slow down and de-stress….vacation is vacation here. Enjoy your time in Orvieto! Victoria Lamkey
Hi Victoria.
Thanks for writing. Todi is a beautiful town and the views in that part of Umbria are spectacular. Yes, the ability to savor pleasure in the simple things is the birthright of all Italians and their adopted citizens! Enjoy every second. Brava. Toni